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I awoke to the sun filing in through my window and zeroing in on my fade like a laser. That was odd because my bedroom faces the West, where the sun sets, not rises. I hadn't been greeted by the sun since I bought the new apartment three years ago.
amber
As the spots faded, I could tell I was in the wrong bed. My sheets were a deep red with a plain black comforter, but the mess and cotton tangles I was lying in were some kind of purple and pink criss-cross with a light blue comforter covered by a pattern of flowers. Where the hell was I? Had I gone home with some girl from the bar and had been too drunk to remember? But I didn't have a hangover, and I always got a hangover. Always.
I rolled away from the window to take the glare out of my eyes. Something stopped me from lying on my stomach. Some kind of pillow.
I pulled at it and got a sharp stab of pain for my efforts. What they hell?! I snatched away the covers and almost had a heart attack.
My flat, slighly hairy chest had been replaced by one that was soft and bare and contained two cantelope-like boobs hanging from it.
I shook my head and closed my eyes. It was a dream. I pinched myself. It had to be a dream. But when I opened the again, the squishy lumps still hung there. I leaned forward, both afraid of what else I might find and curious of just how far my changes had gone. In between my legs was a wiry tangle of dark curls, but no sign of my male pride and joy. Instead, and the prod with my finger to inspect the change made me shudder, there were two lips and an opening. I had a fucking vagina. A goddamn pussy.
"Fuck!" I yelled, and got up and walked to the mirror on the wall.
The changes were extensive. And total. There was no trace of the 34 year old, little bit out of shape guy with an unshaven beard. In his place stood a naked redhead, about six inches shorter than I was supposed to be -- no more than 5' 3" -- with around D-cup breasts and big pink nipples, and a fuzzy black bush growing just above her pussy. Her waist was narrow, and her hips were at least as wide as her chest. She was totally the kind of girl I would have liked to go out with, and especially the kind of knockout I would have loved to fuck.
She waved at me as I waved at her.
"Fuck!" I yelled again. "Holy fucking shit!"
"Are you okay, honey?" came a voice from the bathroom.
I wasn't alone. I wasn't fucking alone. I was with a guy.
And the worst part was that I knew the voice. Oh shit.
Nick walked into the doorway, wearing only a towel. "What's wrong? I heard you yell. Is everything okay?"
I took in the sight and went back over the facts. Not my bed. Not my apartment. Not my body. My my gender even. I was a girl in a strange room that apparently belonged to my best friend's brother. I was naked. He was almost naked, and apparently we were comfortable with that.
I could add as well as anyone, but I didn't like what the numbers were showing me.
"Nick?"
"Yeah, honey?"
"What the ever loving fuck is going on?"
He smiled. "What do you mean?"
Then my knees gave out. The floor was quickly rushing up to meet me, but before I hit, he was there. I fell against him, my new boobs smashing against his wet chest. My face rolling into the nape of his neck. His arms secured me in a big hug.
"Kaitlyn?" he asked. "What's wrong?"
I wanted to tell him that everything was fucking wrong, down to the fact that I wasn't Kaitlyn. I was supposed to be his sister's best friend, Darren. Instead I drooled onto his shoulder and watched the world fade to black.
* * *
"God, what a nightmare," I mumbled as the light washed across my vision. My voice sounded sore and weak, like I had a cold or something. Something cool and moist was being rubbed against my forehead. "I dreamed I was a hot chick, and that I had just spent the night with Sandra's brother Nick..."
Wait. Who the hell was rubbing my head?
"Sounds like a dream to me, not a nightmare."
Shit. It was Nick again. So, it wasn't a dream after all.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck," I said.
"Don't start that again, sweetie. I don't want you to pass out. You scared the hell out of me." "Scared you?" I drew in rapid, heavy breaths, trying not to hyperventilate. "I'm the one who
woke up with titties."
"I love your titties," he said with a grin, "and trust me, you've had those as long as I've known you. That's one of the things, well, two of the things, I love about you."
"Shit. This is so weird."
"What's weird?"
"This whole thing. Me, waking up here, having this body."
I was looking up at him, and I realized my head was in his lap, and I tried to get up, but he put his hand on my chest to keep me down. "Don't push yourself, Kaitlyn. It sounds like maybe you hit your head. You're not making a lot of sense."
"C'mon, Nick. This is weird. Yesterday I went to the bar after Fiona left me, and I don't know what happened, but I woke up here in your bed with this body." I looked away and shivered. "And apparently we had sex."
"Of course we had sex, silly. And you always wake up in my bed cuz it's your bed too. Has been since October, when you moved in with me."
"What?"
"God, you really did hit your head, didn't you? Just lie back and rest."
"But the bar. I was there last night."
"We both were, honey. Hell, we went together. But you had way too much to drink, and now you're started to worry me."
"Yeah," I said with a laugh. "Me, worry you? I'm the one who got turned into a girl and fucked by my best friend's brother. But still, funny joke. But it's over now. Ya'll can change me back at any time."
Nick rested his hand on my forehead. "No fever."
"No, Nick. No fever. Just boobs. Lots of fucking boobs. But no goddamn fever."
His smile fell flat, and his filled with concern. "Listen, you're really starting to scare me, Kailyn. I don't know what kind of thing you're playing at --"
"Me, playing at?! Yesterday was Darren Wilcox, and this morning I woke up as this monster-tittied slut sleeping around with Trina's brother. The world has gone bonkers, and I'm starting to scare you."
I pushed myself up from him and stood alone for a minute to get my bearing and balance. He offered to help, but I held up my hand, palm out in the universal sign of keep the fuck away from me. He kept his distance, but remained closed enough to reach me if I started to fall again. Such a goddamn gentlemen. Fuck him.
"You're not making any sense, Kait. I don't know what you're talking about. Sure, you and Trina have been best friends since college, but I don't know anyone named Darren."
"Riiiiight..."
He stepped closer, and I took a step away. "No."
He stopped. "Okay. Whatever."
"It's not possible. I don't know how you did it or what kind of piece of shit joke you and her are trying to play, but it's not funny, and you'd better fucking knock it off."
From my new position I could make out my reflect again, and I remembered that I was naked.
"Shit."
"What?" he asked.
"I'm naked. And I can't see any clothes on the floor."
He tried to laugh, but it sounded forced. "That's because they're in your side of the closet, Kait." He left me and went to the closet. He opened it, and sure enough, there was a rack full of girl's clothes, lots of skirts and dresses and a few pairs of jeans and slacks, and lots of blouses that ranges from business to ballgame.
"That doesn't prove anything," I said.
"Here," he said, offering me a pair of yoga pants and a white T-shirt with a v-neck.
"A little tight, isn't it?"
This time he laughed for real, weakly but authentically. "Everything you have is a little tight, honey. It's another one of those things..."
"...you love about me, yeah, I get it. Nice try, but I'm not buying it."
"Listen," he said, grabbing a pink bra and matching pair of panties from what I was supposed to believe was MY chest of drawers, "as soon as you get dressed, why don't I take you to the doctor?"
"No, no, no. You're not fooling me and dragging me into this joke. I know who I am, and I know what the truth is. So you can stop it right here and now."
He handed me the panties and I slipped into them. Then the bra, and I realized after I was done that I had put it on without a problem, as if I'd been doing it all my life. "What the hell?" I said.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Nothing," I responded. I grabbed the pants and top and got dressed. I went to the closet and grabbed a pair of black trainers. "Socks?" I asked.
Nick motioned to the chest of drawers. "Bottom drawer."
I opened it and found about thirty pairs of rolled up socks, mostly pastel stripes or flowers or some kind of bright or soft-colored pallate. Then there were several pairs of pantyhose in black, white, and nude, and even a few pairs of stockings and two black garter belts. Just what kind of tramp was I supposed to be? What kind of slut wears red thigh-highs? Or purple, or pink? I mean, black, sure, that's a classic, but those others ones were the kind of thing a guy only saw online on in magazine. No real women ever wore that shit.
I laughed and grabbed a pair of pink ankle socks.
"Wow. I can't fault you're attention to detail. Nice."
"Listen, Kaitlyn, honey, you're really starting to freak me out. You don't really believe you were some guy named Darren, do you? Do I need to get out the photo albums?"
"The pictures could be anybody."
His shoulders slumped in defeat. "Fine. Let me take you 'to the doctor' --" He made the air quotes as he spoke, "-- and then we'll change everything back."
"Now you're talking," I said.
He offered his hand as we left, but I looked at him like he was crazy and brushed it away. He looked worried, but he said nothing. Stupid jerk still got the front door for me and even the passenger door to his car. Such a goddamn gentleman. Fuck him.
* * *
The placard on the door read "Dr. Amelia Herrington." God damn. The stupid jerk was really
taking me to a doctor. I pulled away, but he held fast to my arm. "This is for your own good, Kaitlyn, and you know I'm stronger than you."
In response, I stomped his foot, but that only made him tighten his grip until it hurt a little. "That hurts," I said softly.
"Tough. I'll let go when you get your ass inside and start to behave."
"I don't need to see a shrink. I need you to --"
"To change you back. I know. But I can't do that. Mainly because I don't know what the hell you're talking about." She opened the door and guided me inside. "Besides, Dr. Herrington said to call if you had any side effects from the medicine. I just didn't think you'd get delusional, sweetheart. But don't worry. She'll be able to help."
"I don't..."
"I know you don't. But I'll make a deal with you. You do this for me, and then I'll take you to see Trina and you can tell her all about this guy Darren and see if she remembers him. Deal?"
My shoulders fell, and I sighed loudly. "Fine. But I'm going to sound crazy."
He smiled. "That's why we're here, sweetie. It's safe to sound as crazy as you want to."
"Fuck you," said. "Stop acting so nice."
"I love you," he said, and before I could stop him or move away, he kissed my forehead.
"What the fuck, man?"
"Wow."
"What?"
"Shit, you're serious, aren't you?"
"About you not kissing me? Hell, yeah, I 'm serious."
He rested his hands on my shoulders, then pulled me into a hug. "No, about this man thing. You really do believe that."
"Well... yeah." In spite of my anxiety, I felt my body relax into his arms. Like it felt right, natural. "Of course I believe it."
He tightened his grip around my shoulders. "We're going to get through this, Kaitlyn." I could swear I could hear his voice quake when he spoke. Goddamn gentlemen.
We only sat for a few minutes before the receptionist told us to go back, and during those minutes I actually let him hold my hand. Whatever was going on, he was either a damn good actor or he was just as much a victim of the joke as I was.
An hour later, we were back in NIck's car and I was holding two prescriptions in my hands since my damn yoga pants didn't have pockets.
"You forgot to bring your purse," he said, and I rolled my eyes at him.
"That's because I'm not used to carrying a purse, Einstien," I responded. "I'm a guy, remember." "So you keep saying. But the doctor remembered you, even showed you the meeting notes from
your past appointments."
"Yeah, that doesn't make any damn sense to me either, but I still want to go see Trina. If anybody remembers me, it'll be her. Hell, we even tried going out for a few dates, but it was just too weird."
Nick cut me a sidelong glance and wrinkled up him face. "I'd rather not think of you and my sister... that way... if you don't mind. I mean, geez, it's you and me, not you and her, and besides, she doesn't, I mean she's not that way with girls, you know."
"Well, I wasn't a girl then, remember," I added, as if that was somehow supposed to make it better.
"Right. That doesn't help."
"I'm sorry."
I let him take my hand and give it a squeeze. Somehow that actually made me feel a little better.
I mean, I still knew who I was supposed to be, but maybe I didn't have to be such a bitch about it.
He reached over and touched my neck. There was something comforting, something familiar about the feeling, and I did realize I was enjoying it until I noticed him leaning in to kiss me, and I broke it off.
"Sorry," he said, blushing. "I just miss you, and maybe, doing more of the stuff you might remember might just bring you back to me."
I laughed, forced, but a laugh nonetheless.
"You just want to have sex with me again, buddy."
He smiled.
"You always could see through me."
"Let's go see Trina first."
He let go of my hand and cranked the car. "Anything you say, my queen."
I rolled my eyes again.
"I'm a man."
"Not from where I'm sitting."
We rode, not talking, just listening to the radio, for about thirty minutes before we arrived at Trina's apartment -- exactly where I remembered it to be, a fact I pointed out to Nick.
"Why wouldn't you? You guys are best friends. You've been over here a zillion times." "Damn. Thought I had you there. But that's something I'd know whether I was boy-me or girl-me."
"There never has been a boy-you. That's what I'm hoping you'll finally understand when you talk with Trina."
"We'll see. I can't help but know who and what I am though. The memories are all here in my head."
"Hopefully the medicine will help you clear things up." He got out and opened the door for me. "Do you want me to come in with you or would you prefer to talk just the two of you?"
"You'd do that?""
He nodded. "Sure. After all, it sounds like you want to be alone, like you still don't trust me fully. I can't say that I like it or that it doesn't hurt my feelings, but if it's something you need to do, then you need to do it."
He took my hand and helped me out of the car. Without thinking, I hugged him, my arms around his waist and his closing around my shoulders. "Thank you. I mean it," I said as I caught myself and pulled out of his arms.
He smiled. "I need to go pick up your new prescriptions anyway. You two have a good talk, and when you're done you hopefully know that nobody's been lying to you."
It was my turn to smile. "We'll see. But thank you for being so understanding. I know I must sound like a complete psycho."
He walked around the car and stopped to look at me over the top of it. "Sure, but you're my psycho, Kaitlyn, and nothing can ever change that. I can wait."
Goddamn gentleman. In spite of myself I wanted to fucking hug him again. That felt somehow... safe... like a wall to block out all the confusion and jumbled information loose in my brain. But I couldn't. I just couldn't let myself take that safe road. I knew, somehow, that if I did I'd forget the old male me before I knew it -- if just because I wanted his version to be the truth after all.
I watched him drive off before walking up to Trina's apartment. 31 B on the second floor. I rang the doorbell and she opened the door. She practically leapt out and smothered me in a huge bear hug.
"Kaitlyn!" she screamed. "What the hell are you doing here?" She looked over one shoulder, then the other. "And where's my big, dumb brother?"
"He's not dumb. He's sweet," I quickly defended, then wondered where the hell that had come from. "Anyway, he's nice." Fuck him for making me even more confused. "He's picking up some new prescriptions the doctor gave me."
"Oh? Is everything all right?"
My smile dropped. "No. It's not."
"What's wrong?"
"What's right? Nothing. I woke up like this..." I motioned to my body with my hands. "... this morning. I went to bed with a dick, and I woke up with boobs and a pussy."
"Wow. Vulgar much?"
"What the hell is going on?"
"I don't understand."
"You have to. You're the only person I can depend on to remember me, the real me, the male me." I stormed past her, into the living room and slumped down onto her couch. "It's me, Darren, for fuck's sake.God damn it, you've got to remember me."
She shut the door and came over to sit down beside me. She scooted over until her shoulders touched me, and she put her arm around me. "Of course I remember you stupid. How could I ever forget my best friend?"
I forced a smile. "Then's what my name?"
She shook her head. "It's the same name you had yesterday, and the same one you had the day before that, the same on we had at college together... Kaitlyn."
"Fuck." I twisted around on the couch so I could fall into her arms. "Are you sure?" I was opening crying onto her shoulder now. "Are you totally fucking sure?"
She stroked my hair with one hand. "Yes, I'm totally fucking sure, sweetie. You're my best friend, and you always have been, and you always will be. Not only that, but you're the girl who makes my stupid brother so very, very happy and he makes you happy too. I dont' know what's going on, but I know who you are, and I know how special you are to both of us."
"Trin?" I asked weakly.
"Yeah, Kait?"
"I think I'm losing my motherfuckin' mind because I honestly believe I'm not her, not the person you say I am. In my heart, somehow I know I'm a guy named Darren Wilcox. And I know that I was him up until last night, and that somehow this morning all of that changed and I woke up as this girl you and Nick both say I am."
She hugged me tighter. "Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry. I guess that's why Nick took you to the doctor today?"I nodded against her shoulder.
"And the new pills are supposed to help?"
Another nod. "The doctor said they were for depression and to help me sort out my thoughts, but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't give me something to counteract delusions or schitzophrenia."
I gripped her more tightly.
"I'm scared, Trin. I can't deal with this."
She let me go and told me to relax. "Let me get you some tea. It'll help you feel better. You always feel better after a cup of hot tea. Chamomile or lemon-mint?"
"I'm not sure tea can fix this, Trina, but I'll have lemon-mint, please."
"Sure. I'll be right back, and we'll talk this out and see if we can help you feel better."
My boobs felt heavy on my chest. My yoga pants feel empty and looked so smooth between my criss-crossed legs. Fuck. Could they be right? Could this really be me? Was I really and truly losing my mind?
"You okay?" Trina called out from the kitchen.
"Yeah, as okay as I can be right now."
"My stupid brother hasn't been mean to you or pushy with you feeling like this, has he?"
"No. He's been a perfect gentleman. I don't know if I could have handled me today as well as he is."
"Well, sweetie. He loves you. He always has. Sure, this is a super fucking weird thing to have to deal with, and I really, really do mean super fucking weird. But I've seen how much he loves you and how different he is now thanks to you. Being with you has made him a better person, and he knows it. I just hope you remember it soon too."
"I guess."
"Well, guess all you want to, but I know. And he knows. And we'll do what it takes to help you know again too."
She emerged from the kitchen holding two mugs of tea. Both steamed into the air as she brought them over. She sat on on the coffee table in front of me, and lifted the other to her lips and slurped a loud sip. I lifted mine and took a much quieter sip.
"Sweet."
"Oh, it's the honey. It's local. Do you like it?"
"Yeah. I was just expecting it plain like usual."
"I can fix another one. I just always find local honey soothing, and I figured it might help."
I shook my head. "It's okay. It's fine. Just wasn't expecting it."
"It's okay. I really don't mind fixing a new one."
"No. I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound ungrateful."
She sat beside me on the couch again and tilted the mug up to my lips. "No worries. Drink up, Kait. It'll help you feel better. I promise."
"Thanks," I said between sips.
We sat in silence, drinking our tea, and in about two minutes we were both done.
"Actually, I do like the honey. That was nice."
"Want another?"
"If you don't mind. It kind of tickles the back of my throat." I think I might have even made a giggling sound as I spoke.
"I'm glad you're feeling better."
"Me too. I mean, there's probably no reason to be so freaked out, even if I'm right. If I am, then it's either a dream I just haven't waken up from yet, or I'll wake up in the morning and everything will be right again."
"Or, she said getting up to get me a second cup of tea, "perhaps that other life is the dream, and everything is already right. Think about that for a minute."
I smiled. "Need help with the tea, Trin?"
She shook her head. "You just sit down and rest. I can get it. You're my guest."
"As many times as I've been over here, I'm not a guest. Hell, I should probably pay your rent money."
She laughed. "We can talk about that when you're feeling better."
"Thanks, Trin. You're a good friend."
"No, I'm your best friend."
"That too."
"Damn straight, girl."
"Girl."
She turned around and poked a finger out at me, like I was a child she needed to correct. "Yes, girl. I said girl."
I pushed a smile with less force that I had expected. Somehow, even if she didn't believe me, just talking with her made me feel better. Man or woman, I was her best friend, and she helped me get through things like this.
She returned with another cup of tea, and as we downed our second cups, she placed opened up the photos on her phone and showed me a picture of Nick and me standing on the edge of a boat. I wore a bikini that totally emphasized my figure, and he wore some board shorts, and had his arm around him and was planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek. I just wish I could remember the time the photo was taken.
We looked so happy.
"Do you think maybe I drank so much last night that I got brain damage?" I asked.
"Anything's possible the way you drink."
She laughed. I smiled.
"I'm serious."
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm sure whatever you're going through. It's only temporary."
She scrolled to the next photo. A beach shot. I was in yet another bikini, this one dark green with a cute skirt on the bottoms.
"I'm so jealous of you ass, Kaitlyn. I wish I had an ass like yours. You probably don't ever really how super cute you actually are."
I couldn't deny the proof in the photos. I was hot. Definitely the type of girl who Darren would have dreamed about, dreams of the wet variety, I mean.
In the next photo, Nick was holding me and walking me into the surf. He smiled so wide and he didn't even look like carrying me was an effort.
"Key West," Trin said. "Do you remember that? You guys had only been dating for a few months at that point, and he had already stopped..."
I looked at her, really looked at her. "Stopped what?"
"Stopped cutting. You really don't remember."
I shook my head. "I really wish I did. Maybe I'll remember tomorrow. Maybe a good night sleep is all I need."
She smiled. There was a knock at the door.
"Are you saying..." I started, but she finished the thought for me.
"Yes, I'm saying that he was so depressed that he was cutting himself, and even started to take some pretty bad pills, but you brought him back from all that, Kaitlyn. And it's probably killing him to know that as much as you mean to him that you don't remember any of that."
I looked at the floor. "I'm sorry."
She hugged me. "No. I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you feel back. I just want to help you remember how special you two are to each other."
She walked to the door. "Who is it, my big dumb, stupid brother?"
"Well, you only have one. So I guess that's me."
She swung open the door. "Welcome to my humble abode."
They embraced, and I heard her tell him, "It'll be okay. She'll be okay. We've been talking, and looking at some of your pictures from the Key West trip."
He grinned. "I loved that green bikini."
"I bet you did," I found myself saying. No need to punish Nick because I was so screwed up.
"He liked it better off though, I bet."
"Sis!"
"Just saying, if I had a rack like Kait, most guys would like it better off."
"Trin!" I shouted, joining the fun.
"Want to stay for dinner, Kaitlyn?"
I glanced to Nick.
"It's up to you. I've got your medicine so we can do whatever you want."
I took a deep breath. I owed him.
"Can we just go back home watch some TV? I'm kinda worn out. Today has been a little crazy. Well, I've been more than a little crazy, but it's been a weird day for all of us."
They both hugged me.
"Sure," Trin said. "We can have dinner here some other time. You kids go and have fun." I nodded.
Nick took my hand. I let him keep it this time. "Are you sure?"
I nodded again. "Yeah. I'll take my medicine and we can see if any memories come back, or I stop trying to convince myself I'm a guy."
Trina squeezed my boobs. "Yeah, like you're a guy. Not with those massive torpedos." "Trin," Nick said.
"It's okay. She's just teasing."
"Hold on a second," she said and ran into the kitchen. She returned with a tin of tea leaves and a squeeze bottle of honey. "Take some of this for when you get stressed. It'll help you feel better."
"Thanks."
Then I let Nick lead me out to the car, hand in hand. He got the door for me again. Such a goddamn gentleman. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I was wrong, I wondered.
* * *
"Actually, do you mind if we go out to eat instead?" I asked as we pulled up into the apartment complex we called home.
"What? With you feeling all... you know, confused?"
"Right now I'm more hungry than anything, and if you don't mind I'd like to go get something to eat. Something nice though. What kind of restuarants do I like best?"
"You tell me. I never can get you to decide on a place to eat. I just keep naming places and having you tell me no until I get lucky."
I laughed. I was such a girl. I mean, if I was a girl, and that sure sounded like all the girls I'd known.
"Well, tonight, we'll go anywhere you want to. You've been so understanding today, and I want to make it up to you."
"Anywhere?"
"Anywhere."
"Okay, but only because you said so."
"Uh-oh. What am I getting myself into?"
"You'll see. But we'll have to go up and get ready first. It's fancy."
"Oh?" I asked, arching my eyebrows.
"Oh indeed. Super fancy. I'm going to wear a tie."
"I guess I should wear a dress then."
"Or one of your pantsuits. Those are fancy enough. And you can still feel like a guy."
I sighed. He was still trying so hard.
"It's okay. I'm clearly a girl, as Trina pointed out. And I've got a ton of dresses in my closet. I saw them this morning."
"Only if you're sure. I don't want to push anything."
"It's okay. You didn't have to be so nice about it. You could have been angry and hurt and mean, but you've been super sweet all day. You're not pushing anything. If you guys are right, and this girl-me is the real me, then I should get used to her." I smirked. "Again, I mean. I should get used to her again."
"I'm game if you are. But we don't have to stay..."
"We'll stay as long as we can. I promise. You took care of me all day. I want to do this for you. I'll tell you want. Why don't you pick my favorite fancy dress? Or better yet, pick out your favorite."
"I don't wear dresses, silly."
"Not to wear, dummy. For me to wear."
"I know. I'm just teasing."
"It's okay. It's feels good to relax and cut up with you. So tonight you pick out whatever dress you want to see me in, and I'll wear it just for you. Then you can take me out and we'll have one hell of a dinner together."
"It's a date," he said as he pulled in to the empty spot with our apartment number painted on it. "You bet it is..." I took a deep breath and tried the next word on for size. "... honey." It fit a little better than I expected it too.
Once inside, I took a shower -- he even waited outside of the bedroom for me to undress even though he had no doubt seen my naked lots of times before -- while he picked out my outfit. I could only imagine what I'd gotten myself into. I know that as Darren, I would have preferred to see my superhot girlfriend with big tits in something tight and low-cut. I shook my head. Well, I had promised, and I owed him a little eye candy for being so sweet all day instead of freaking out on me.
I toweled off and walked into the room to find it empty, safe for a navy dress with a pink and white flower print, with no sleeves and a slight V-neck, but not so deep as to show off too much cleavage. The skirt portion looked to sit above my knees but no higher than mid-thigh.
Wow. I had given him free reign, and he had surprised me by not being a huge pervy horndog.
Just out of appreciate for his respect for me, I chose to add something to sexy up the outfit a bit. After all, he did deserve at least a little something. A black garter belt and navy blue stockings finished off the outfit, and then I slipped into a pair of sling-back heels with a pointed toe.
When I came out into the living room, he stood up and grinned from ear to ear. "Wow. You look fantastic."
"Thanks," I said, actually blushing.
"Just like always."
"I already said thanks. You don't have to lay it on so thick," I said with a laugh.
"Can't help it. You just always take my breath away."
I looked away. "I'm sorry."
He sighed. "No. I'mo sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just..."
I shook my head. "No. I get it. You really do love me, at least this me. I just feel guilty that if you and Trina are right, then I'm just being distant and making you suffer for no reason."
He strode to me and wrapped me in a huge hug. "Don't you ever worry about that. We'll get through this and one day everything will be back to normal." He kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry. Is that okay?"
I nodded against his chest.
"But until then, think of it as me trying to make you fall in love with me all over again. I won you over once, and I'm sure I can do it again."
"Smooth talker, huh?"
"Wait until I really kiss you."
"I..."
"That was a joke, Kait."
"I know." Well, I knew it wasn't a joke at all.
I backed away and spun around to show off the outfit.
"Like I said, beautiful."
"The word you used was fantastic, not beautiful."
"Well, then, let me add beautiful to the long list of descripters to tell you how amazing you look." I blushed again. Damn it. What was happening to me? Were my true feelings coming back, even before the memories returned?
"You're sweet."
"But I didn't lay out the stockings."
"No. That was all me. I figured if you were going to were a tie, then I should get a little dressier too."
"Well, you'll never hear me complain about you wearing those. With your permission I'll add sexy to that list of words."
"You'd better, or I might just march back into the bedroom and take them off."
"As you wish, milady." He took my hand and kissed the back of it. "Shall we go? You're chariot awaits."
I smiled. "Of course."
The surprise turned out to be a place called Speccini's Overlook, a super-fancy European cuisine restaurant that sat atop the tallest building in town and overlooked the bay and the city lights beyond.
"This is too much."
"Not for you. I've been trying to get you out here for weeks, after all."
"I wish I could remember that."
"I know. But hey, we're here now, and we need to enjoy some time together."
The waiter took our drink orders -- draft beer for Nick and a marguerita for me -- then left us with the menus to look over. In the end I went for the salmon, and Nick chose a steak, medium-rare. After the waiter took away our menus and left the drinks, I caught him staring at me across the table.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"You're not staring at nothing. What? Do I have something in my teeth? If my make-up messed up? What?"
"It's just I still can't believe how lucky I am?"
"Lucky? You're saddled with a dumb chick like me who barely remembers you and thinks she used to be man. If that's lucky, Nick, then I don't want any of it."
He just shook his head. "Not from where I'm sitting. All I see is the most amazing woman here, framed by a gorgeous view of the bay, all lit up by the reflections of the lights downtown. It's like stars sparkling all around you."
"Do girls really go for that?"
"I hope so."
"Then keep it up, and I'll let you know how you're doing later."
He laughed. "Regardless, it's the truth." He reached across the table for my hand, and it instinctively crawled toward it and wrapped my fingers in his. "I'm sorry. I'm not usually this much of a poet."
"It's okay. I don't mind for some reason."
He gave my hand a squeeze. "You seem different, more relaxed from earlier today."
"I'm trying. It's not easy, but I'm trying to see what feels natural, even if my memories don't match up. I mean, obviously, it's pretty clear that we know each other and that we're pretty close, whether I know it or not. And that's part of it, I guess. I may not know it, but I can still feel it."
"That's a step in the right direction anyway. And I'll take every win I can get."
I squeezed his hand back.
"Thanks for being so patient."
Dinner arrived and we ate, and sipped out way through two more drinks each, then washed the whole thing down by sharing a piece of chocolate mousse cake. When we left, we both figured neither was ready to drive, so we took a walk along the bay.
"This is nice."
"It's a little chilly."
He reached around my shoulders and pull me closer to him. "Better?"
"Warmer," I said, then added, "and yes, better too."
"God, you're so fucking beautiful."
"Stop. Now you're just repeating yourself. Besides, if you keep saying it over and over again, it stops meaning anything. It's like your faking it, trying to, I don't know, seduce me or something."
He stopped and faced me, squaring his hands on my shoulders. "Well, I don't know how it works in movies and stuff, but I promise you that I mean it every time I say it. You are the most amazing person to ever enter my life and I will help you get through this. I don't deserve you."
"I..." There was nothing really to say that wouldn't come out weird, so I just pressed against him. "I'm sorry."
His arms enrapt me again, and I felt his warmth take over my chills. "Don't be."
I looked up at him, my eyes wide and earnest. "Nick?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I see your wrists?"
"Why?"
"Something Trina said earlier."
"Oh." He broke the hug and pulled away. My body chilled again. "That."
"I'm sorry. I just assumed..."
He lifted his hand, palms up and pull back the sleeve of his coat. There were a few fading scars from cuts.
"It's okay. I'd want to see if it was true too, if I was in your position right now."
"And I helped you..."
He nodded.
"Just being with you was better than all the medicine and all the doctors in town."
"I really..."
"Yeah. You really did."
I rammed my chest against his stomach and hugged him aggressively. He lowered his arms over mine and returned the passion. I looked up into his eyes.
"So it's all true."
He nodded. "Yeah. I'm not proud of it."
I shook my head. "Not that. Well, not just that. I mean the whole thing, everything you've been telling me since this morning."
"Every word of it."
I looked my eyes on his. "Well, I may not remember it, but I don't it's crazy for me to hold on to some idea that I'm really a man, and being with you does feel right anyway. So I'm going to try to be her, to be Kaitlyn, to be me, I guess I mean. Besides, every thing I've seen today seems to point to that being true."
"Trust me. You're Kaitlyn. You think I'd forget the girl who saved me from myself?"
I squeeze his waist again. He leaned in, then stopped. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," I said, pushing up on my tiptoes.
"Are you sure?"
"Shut up and kiss me."
He did. His tongue parted my lips and entered my mouth, subduing my own with the kind of passion that felt like he'd been wanting to do this all day and the desired had built and built until it couldn't be contained. I half expected him to begin groping my ass or ripping off my dress right there on the sidewalk, but he kept all the intensity of his lust focused on the kiss. When he broke off the kiss, I found it a little difficult to catch my breath, and it took a few seconds to realize my face was still reaching for his.
"Wow," I said.
"Wow," he repeated.
"Wow," I said again.
"You keep saying that and it's not going to mean anything anymore."
I smacked his chest. "Shut up."
He grinned. "Can we do that again?"
"I was hoping you'd ask," I responded.
He did. When my breath finally returned a second time, I took his hand and said, "Let's go home, okay."
* * *
We were back at the apartment 30 minutes later, and my dress was draped over the chair in the bedroom. His tie lay on top of it. His shirt was unbuttoned and open, and my mouth was kissing his chest while he pressed his leg between mine.
I was all woman, all right. There was definitely truth to that. Something about the two of us felt right, felt compatible, felt like fate.
All thoughts of Darren's fear at being Kaitlyn had vanished, and even though I still didn't remember my life as Kaitlyn, I did remember that movie about the lawyer who lost his memories and became a better person, so maybe I could do the same thing. Nick defintely loved me, and at least my body loved his. And as sweet as he was, it wouldn't be difficult to grow to love him.
He moved his leg against my panties, and I knew I was wet. I could feel it inside me and on his slacks. He deftly unclipped my bra and slipped it off me and into the floor. My boobs lay cool and erect in the night air wafting in through the open window.
He pulled away and I could longer kiss his chest. Instead he kissed my lips, then kept moving down until he was kissing and sucking on my breasts. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the ride.
"How do you do this so well?" I asked.
"We've been together for a long time," he said between kisses. "I've gotten to know what you like, honey."
"I'll say."
He stopped talking and returned the total of his attention to my nipples.
"If the rest of the day wasn't proof enough, then this is. Nobody could fake this shit." I moaned. His mouth left my breasts and kissed my stomach, then blew softly on my dark curls, then a tingle shot up my spine. His breath tickled my labia. His tongue gently parted them, content to stroke the surface and not the depths. I shuddered and wished he'd go deeper. I moaned again. God, he was good at this.
Then I could have sworn he plugged my pussy into an electrical outlet. He carefully nipped at my clit with his teeth and sucked it hard, rolling with between his teeth with his tongue. I squirmed like my legs had a mind of their own. He held my thighs apart, I guess to keep me from hitting his ears or clasping too tightly and smothering him. Without speaking, he continued to pleasure my clit until I had to hold his pillow over my face to avoid disturbing the neighbors.
I was on the verge of cumming when I felt a surprise I would never have expected. He slipped a finger into my ass. Instead of scream at him to remove it, the action sent me over the top and I came hard, leaking my juices onto his lips and tongue.
Still he didn't stop. He kept me building toward a second orgasm with those damn amaazing teeth and tongue. And suddenly he was fucking me in the ass with his finger. If it hadn't felt so damn good, I would have asked him to stop, but he obviously knew what my body liked, and it liked that. It responded as if he had written the instruction manual for my sexual triggers and responses.
Soon enough, I was pressing against him and the bed, my back arched like the underside of a fancy bridge, the pillow still muffling my screams and moans. My nerves exploded and my muscles tensed, freezing me in a statue of pure ecstacy until thought and will returned and I felt into a puddle of satisfaction on our bed.
"Wow," I said after tossing the pillow in the floor.
"Wow indeed."
"You're really good at that."
"You've mentioned that before."
"I can understand why." I took a deep breath. "Is our sex always that good?"
"What do you mean sex? I haven't finished with you yet."
He looped my legs over his shoulders, and my ass shifted down toward his knees. He unzipped and upbuttoned his slacks and released his member. Already stiff and long, it stood at attention against his stomach.
"Are you sure you still want to do this?"
"Oh, I'm sure."
He smiled.
He pushed himself inside me, and I gasped. I felt so full, but not so much that it hurt. Again it was a reminder that fate had seemed to want us together. I closed my eyes and let him push me back and forth, rocking me gently as he pumped and pushed. I said a long series of mmmmmms and time stood still.
I was still awash in all the brand new sensations when I felt him cum inside me. He groaned and came to rest on top of me, but at least for a little while, his weight didn't bother me. Nothing bothered me. I lay on my back, our mingled sex dripping out of me, my eyes still closed and my breaths coming quick and shallow.
"I love you, Kaitlyn," Nick whispered above me, and his lips pressed against my neck.
"I..." I started.
"Don't force it. Wait until you mean it, sweetie."
"Wow."
"Thanks."
"No, thank you."
I was about to open my eyes finally, but new pressure inside me screwed them tight again. I caught my breath as his lips pushed against mine, then parted them just as his fingers parted the lips between my legs.
"More?" I moaned?
"Are you complaining?"
I shook my head. "Never."
Minutes later, after my fourth orgasm, I lay spent and wasted on the bed. Nick kissed me on the lips gently. "Feel better?"
"Feel like pudding."
"That's better, right?"
"Happy, happy pudding."
He laughed.
"Do you want to change?"
I realized I was still wearing my garter bell, stockings and heels, with my panties pulled down to my ankles.
"In a few minutes. I think I'll just lie here and melt for a little while longer."
He lay his head on my shoulder and one hand over my breast. "Me too."
"Nice," I said. "Warm."
Moments later, he snored lazily across my bare skin, and I felt my consciousness fade as I joined him in sleep.
* * *
I awoke alone.
"Nick?" I called out, but got no answer. The shower wasn't running.
I jumped up and realized I had slept looking like a high class call girl, so I wrapped myself in a robe from the back of the door, and went out into the living room to find him.
"Nick?" I called again, and still no answer.
Where the hell was he?
And why did it matter to me so much? He was sweet, and sure, we had sex, but I wasn't some kind of co-dependent girlfriend whose happiness depended on his presence. And I was determined to prove it.
I boiled some water for tea, then got some of the honey-mint stuff Trina had given me. It certainly helped me relax yesterday, so I hoped I could count on it again today. Like the day before, I had two cups, and I indeed did feel much less stressed.
I returned to the bedroom, stripped away the stockings and garter belt and heels and robe, then took a shower, lingering to enjoy the warm water soaking into my tired back. I listened to the classic rock station while I washed, and was enjoying myself so much that it took six songs, one of them by Pink Floyd even, to finish. I stepped out, dried off, and was digging through the closet for something to wear when I hear my phone buzz.
It was a message from Nick.
"Sorry I wasn't there," it read. "I went out for a run this morning. Normally I'd wake you up to go with me but you were sleeping so well I didn't want to disturb you. I'll be back shortly."
I smiled. See, nothing to worry about, I mused.
Not that I was worrying.
I went back to the closet. Nick would be home soon, and I needed to pick out something cute. I chose a tan miniskirt, black tights, a black short-sleeved sweater, and a pair of black flats with a buckle and pointed toe. Very cute, I told myself as I looked in the mirror. Then I added an off-white necklace and a pair of loopy-hoopy black earrings. Even cuter now, I said.
After doing my make-up and hair, I went to the kitchen and started to cook some breakfast. I wracked my brain to remember what he liked for breakfast, but still no memories would come. No matter. They would have to return eventually, and what red-blooded young man could resist eggs and bacon?
I was just finishing the bacon when he came home. He grinned as he entered, and I left the bacon for a moment and went over to hug him.
"I stink," he said. "You'll get your clothes all stinky."
"It's a good stink," I said.
I hugged him tightly and pushed up on my toes to give him a kiss. "Well, this is a much better morning than yesterday," he said.
"I told you I was trying."
"I see that. But don't push yourself too hard."
"Who's pushing? It's easy. I just keep doing what feels right. Ignore the big empty memory part of my brain and just focus on the doing what comes naturally part of my brain. I figure if I keep doing that, it'll all have to come back eventually."
"I certainly hope so."
He leaned down and kissed me.
"Is that all I get? Just a quick peck? And after I made breakfast."
"C'mere," he said and he lifted me from the floor and gave me a deep kiss in earnest. "That better?"
"Much. Now let me get back to that bacon before it burns."
As I returned to the kitchen I gave a twirl.
"What do you think?"
"It's cute. But then again you make everything look lovely."
"Good answer, Nick. I hope you're hungry. I'll get the table set for us."
After breakfast, he went to the shower while I cleared the table and set the dishes in the sink for later. When I was done and I still heard the water running, I got a terribly naughty idea.
I carefully removed my clothes, tiptoed into the bathroom, then opened the shower and climbed in with him.
"Kiss me again," I said.
"You like that, huh?"
"I like that a lot."
"Well, okay then."
He kissed me.
"Ooh. Too soapy."
I wiped his lips with my palm.
"Try it again."
He did.
"Mmmm. Much better."
"You're wet."
"How do you know?"
"Geez, what's gotten into you after last night? First breakfast, now a sexy little shower together."
I backed away a half-step. "Is it too much? Am I normally more reserved?"
He pulled me back to him. He cock dangled against my waists, beginning to stiffen. "Don't." I looked up at him, questioning.
"Don't act how you think I want you to act. I would never do that to you. You be the you that you want to be. I don't want you to force yourself. When you do finally remember, I want you to also remember that I never tried to change you and that all I did was love you."
I hugged him again.
Such a goddamn gentleman. He was special, wasn't he? And I knew just how to show me how special.
I slid down his legs and torso and dropped to my knees.
"Kaitlyn?" he asked, as I took hold of his stiffening member. "What are you doing?"
"Returning the favor?"
"What?"
"As I recall, you pretty much rocked my world last night with just your mouth. Now I want to show you how much I appreciate that."
He put his hand on my shoulder. "You don't have --"
"I know I don't. Now just hush and let me take care of you this time."
I opened my mouth and took the tip. He groaned and twitched inside me, encouraging me to go further. I pushed my face onto him as far as I could without gagging, then back up and did it again. I couldn't remember ever giving a blow job before, but the work of it didn't seem to be either uncomfortable or unknown to me. Perhaps that was just more proof that I was really was Kaitlyn and that my body remembered things my brain didn't yet. I pushed him against the tile wall and began to fuck him with my mouth more vigorously. As I imagined, it didn't take long and after a few minutes, he exploded inside me, spilling his seed into my throat and I struggled to swallow it all for him like a good girlfriend. A little slipped out though and he wiped it away from the corner of my mouth. I swallowed again for good measure.
"I love you," he said.
I blushed.
"Do you think you can prove that?" I asked.
"What did you have in mind, you little minx?"
I purred at him, then turned around and pressed the front of my body against the glass and spread my legs.
"Do you think you've got a little more energy left in you?"
"I think so," he said, pressing himself against my back until his manhood probed at my eagerly waiting pussy.
* * *
After a week, my memories were still nowhere to be found, but conversely, the notion that I was a man named Darren wasn't something in the forefront of my mind either. I was building new memories, and I was perfectly happy being Kaitlyn, even if she was someone I was making up as I went along. I was happy, and I enjoyed being with Nick and becoming his girlfriend.
And the sex, well, the sex was fantastic.
And frequent.
He was gentle and compassionate as a lover, but he also knew each part of me that sent me into the kind of feelings I couldn't remember ever having before.
Throughout the first few days, I had a cup of tea any time I felt stressed or troubled by the conflicting memories and feelings, and each time I felt better, but during the week, I found myself not worrying or stressing so much, and I had gone two days without needing any of Trina's tea without a single bad situation in sight.
I felt like I had turned a corner and that Nick and I were moving along at the right pace and into what felt like the kind of relationship we had before I got all screwed up in the head. If I had helped him cope with depression and stop harming himself, he was helping me to get out of my head and learn to live in the moment and just enjoy each other's company.
Like I said, I was happy.
It was going on two weeks when I was lying next to him, sweating like a bitch in heat after a vigorous sexcapade, that my cell phone rang.
"Let it ring," he said.
"Can't," I said. "That's Trina's ringtone. Might be important."
"More important than cuddling in the afterglow."
"Sometimes I wonder if either of us is a man in this relationship." We both laughed, and I used the break in tone to get the phone.
"Yeah, hey, Trin," I said. "What's so important that you had to interrupt sex?"
Nick glared at him playfully.
I rolled my eyes at him.
"I didn't... Did I? I'm sorry..."
"I'm kidding. We're were done actually. You caught us just before the old movie cigarette stage."
"Are you teasing me?"
"Only a little. What's up?"
"Let's have lunch today. I have something important to tell you."
"Okay. That's cryptic."
"I'll fill you in later. Hyland's by the Chamberhouse. One o'clock."
"Sure. I'll be there."
"Thanks. See ya then, Kait."
We both hung up. "Weird," I said.
"What's up?"
"She didn't say. Just wants to meet for lunch to talk about something important."
His eyes grew wide. "Ooh," he said. "I bet she's pregnant."
"Trina's not pregnant. She's not even dating anyone."
"Doesn't mean she's not --"
I hit him with a pillow. Then I crawled over on top of him for round two.
After a rest and a shower, I took the car to Hyland's and waited in the cafe outside for Trina to arrive. I was nursing a mocha when she walked around the corner from the parking lot. "Wow. You look really good today, Kait," she said as we exchanged a hug. "Really good. And happy. The last time I saw you, you kinda scared the shit out of me."
I nodded. "Yeah. I know. And I still haven't worked out all the memory issues yet, but I am happy with Nick. We're getting along great, he's super sweet, and the sex is amazing."
"Ewww. He's still my brother."
"Sorry. But it is."
"Ooookay. Anyway."
"So what's on your mind?"
She opened her purse and put a pill on the table. Then she grabbed a capsule and placed it beside the pill.
"What's that?" I asked.
"I'm getting to that."
"Okay."
"Just listen. First I want to apologize. I just wanted you to be happy. And after that bitch Fiona cheated on you, you were threatening to commit suicide and I couldn't let that happen."
"Fiona? What are you talking about? She's not real, right? Like that whole Darren thing." "Just listen please. You were so fucking depressed. And then Nick had gone almost two years without a date. It seemed such a natural thing to do to make you both happy. So I did it. I didn't ask either of you. I just did it."
I reached across the table for her hands. "What the hell are you talking about? Now you're the one who sounds crazy."
She had started to cry. "All those memories. They're real. Two weeks ago, you weren't Kaitlyn. You really were a guy, my best friend, named Darren."
"Stop. Just stop. This isn't funny."
"No. It's not. And I didn't want to tell you, but it's not fair if I don't."
"I'm getting better. Don't screw this up for me, Trina."
She shook her head. "I'm not. I'm giving you a chance to fix it." She pulled her hands away. "Anyway, two weeks ago I used a spell to reset your life. Everybody but you and me no longer knew you as Darren. Darren just disappeared and Kaitlyn took his place. Nobody remembers Darren but me and you. To the rest of the world, you've always been Kaitlyn."
"Just stop it." I was starting to cry. "Stop it, okay. Just fucking stop it. I don't want to hear this. Don't fuck this up for me, Trin."
"I have to. It has to be your choice. I know that now. I don't get to make the decision for you."
"What decision?"
"What to do with the rest of your life."
"I don't follow, but let's say I believe this shit. What are you telling me to do."
She motioned with her eyes to the pill and the capsule. "I'm telling you that you can choose."
"Choose what? This doesn't make any damn sense."
"You can take the pill and get everything back. You'll wake up tomorrow morning and be Darren again. You won't remember any of the past two weeks, so it won't be weird with Nick and me. But that'll be it. You can go back to this life if you take that one back."
"You know this sounds crazy, right?"
"I know." She pointed to the capsule. "Or you can take that one and when you wake up in the morning, all your memories of Darren will be gone and they'll be replaced by all the memories you would have lives as Kaitlyn during your life. You'll remember all the adventures you and Nick had in those photos, and how special you are to each other."
"That's fucked up, Trina. How the hell could you do this to me?"
"I know it was wrong, Kait... Darren... but I couldn't let you kill yourself. Not without showing you something better."
"And what about Nick? Did he get a choice? Or did you just make his decision too."
She nodded. "Yeah. He chose to be with you. I talked with him last week. He doesn't remember not being with you though. He didn't believe me when I told him about his real past. I explained everything, and he wanted to be with you -- but only if you chose him when I told you."
"Does he know about Darren?"
"He did, but he doesn't anymore. He took the pill and reset everything. To him, you're his awesome girlfriend Kaitlyn, and you always have been." She took a deep breath. "And the only way that will change is if you want it too."
"So either Kaitlyn has to go away, or Darren does? What the fuck kind of choice is that?"
"It's the only way to be fair."
"Fuck fair, Trina. I'm pissed you did this to me. But it all makes sense to me know. Still, I'm happy, really happy. Much happier than I was as Darren. I don't want to go back to that life, but I don't want him to disappear either."
"But..."
"But nothing. Fuck you and fuck that choice. That tea. Is it magic too?"
"Yes, it makes it easier for you to accept this life, but without having to forget the old one. It's helped you learn to fall in love with Nick for who he is and for who you are, not because it made you fall in love. It just made it easier, less stressful to live between the two lives."
"Then make me more of that."
"What?!"
"You don't fucking understand, do you? I like who I am now. I don't want to lose Darren's memories. They're precious to me. But they don't have to keep me from making new ones as Kaitlyn. I love your brother, and I love you, and I think Nick and I have something really special. Who's to say it still will be if I lose half of who I am? How do you know that would make it better. Fuck that. I don't care. I'm Kaitlyn now, and I used to be Darren, and that's fucking okay."
"Are you sure?"
I picked up both pills and took them to the trashcan. I dropped them in and returned to the table.
"Ask me that again, Trina."
"Shit. You know those were one-time fixes. I can make more, but the magic wouldn't work the same anymore. Without those, you're stuck..."
"Those weren't any kind of fixes at all, Trina. Listen. I'm pissed off at you for doing this not only once but twice, thinking your decisions for me would be better than my own, but give me time. I'll get over it. I have to. I'm dating your brother, and he's worth us making things right between us again."
"Kaitlyn, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"C'mere," I said, opening my arms.
She did, and I hugged her. "I said love you, and I mean it. Give me a few days, and stop interfering with my life and your brother's, and then next Friday night come over and we'll eat Mexican and play board games. Bring a date, if you feel like it. But don't call me until Friday. Let me fume a little. And let me put all this behind me with a little help from Nick."
"You're talking about sex again, aren't you?"
I nodded. "Eww. Gross."
"Says you. Anyway, I'm not going to tell him anything about this. Only you and I will ever know the truth. Just keep making that tea for me for when things get weird or stressful, and we'll call it even."
"Are you sure?"
"God, you and Nick are so much alike. Are you sure, Kaitlyn? Are you sure you're sure? Fuck, that gets old." I laughed. "But it's only because you guys care so damn much. And yes, I'm sure. I'm sure I'm sure. I'm totally fucking sure, okay."
"Okay."
"Good. You pay for my coffee, and I'm going to go home and fuck my boyfriend's brains out."
"Kaitlyn?"
"Be good to him. He deserves it. Don't ever break his heart."
"Trina?"
"Yeah?"
"You don't have to worry about me breaking his heart. I don't think I even could without destorying mine in the process."
She smiled weakly, apologetically.
"Trin?"
"Uh-huh?"
"I'm only going to say this once, and then we're both going to put it out of our minds, but listen, because I genuinely mean this."
She lean in toward me.
I whispered, "You did the right thing. But don't ever fucking doing it again, okay."
She nodded.
I smiled. Then I left her the check and my empty mug and walked away. I had two blocks to the parking lot, then seven miles to home, then two flights of steps, one open door, and finally a shirt, a pair of pants, my own blouse and skirt, and one empty bed to get to so I could start part one of the next phase of my life.
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